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Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

A sword crafted from Valyrian steel, forged in dragonflame, from Valyria…
I am in the middle of a Jon Snow fixation and my Ikea rug,
Winter-is-Coming coat needs a companion piece
.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Two tickets to the Catalina Wine Mixer…apparently, Prestige Worldwide is overseeing the entertainment portion of the event and Brennan Huff and Dale Doback will be performing
their hit single, “Boats ‘N H*#s.”

On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Three more copies of Pablo Neruda’s The Book of Questions…the three I received last year were shredded after a meeting with Grandpa Butler and I have a whole host of answers in search of questions. 

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Four bottles of von Schubert Riesling Kabinett, Maximin Grünhäuser Abtsberg, 2015…

if heaven can be experienced in liquid form, this is most definitely it!.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

A trip to Topeka, Kansas, where I will visit the most holy shrine known as the Evel Knievel Museum. While there, I will receive:
five Ideal Stunt Cycles with the Gyro Powered Motor and five broken bones.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

A six-day crash course with Sir Tim Berners-Lee who will teach me
about cryptocurrencies and blockchain technology so that the next Bitcoin
(uhmmm, I predict it will be XRP) will not fly by me faster than I can spell “Satoshi Nakamoto.”

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Seven Ronaldo Real Madrid shirts (worn by him, of course) so I can soak-in the awesome manliness that is Ronaldo (I assume this gift will come with a weekly, full body waxing).

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

An emergency kit filled with eight bottles of Mezcal, hand selected by Sarah Kabat-Marcy
of Cultura Restaurant in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California…holy smogolies, if you thought that Tequila was your savior, get thee to the west coast and be converted by the Agave Apostle (she also feeds the masses with kick arse tacos).

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Nine days to work with José Andrés and his incomparable charity, World Central Kitchen. 
We need to continue to help Puerto Rico and they need our help now.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Ten tickets to Portugal The Man’s concert on February 8th, 2018, 
at the Burton Cummings Theatre in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I will go on record as saying that “Feel It Still” is the greatest song ever crafted since Nena’s “99 Luftballons.” 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Eleven boxes of LU Petit Écolier milk chocolate biscuits…
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,they are so damn tasty.
 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Twelve kisses from my two sons…in them I see a reflection of all that is great about humanity.